365 days ago my life changed, in a very big way. I don't
think I really took time to let it sink in that I was moving, that I was no
longer going to be in a town I called home for so long. That I was no longer
going to be comfortable in my own life. That I was going to struggle like I
never thought possible. (That, one year later I would still struggle like I
never thought I would.)
365 days of waking up and wondering if today would be the
day I snapped, packed up my crap and moved home.
365 nights of going to bed in an apartment I pay all the
bills for, myself.
Today I turned in the keys to my first grown up apartment. I
am slowly moving away from my old self.
I'm becoming a real grown up. Not the fake one I've spent a
few years pretending to be. I wonder what the future will hold. When I moved to
Montgomery I had no idea what to expect. I thought I had things pretty well
figured out, but I don't—I have no flippin' idea what I am doing, where I am
going and who I will become.
The dogs are alive and well. I've managed to pay most of my
bills on time. I don't have insurmountable credit card debit. I'm doing better
than the national average. I know who I am. I have an idea of who I want to
become.
Things aren't perfect, but I'm learning to let go of the
perfect ideal I had in my head and roll with what is actually happening. Roll
with the punches, isn't that a famous Jerry
Maguire line?
I've never been good at looking back: I just get melancholy;
I am not a person that really likes change. Ironic, because I love adventures
and yearn for the day where on a whim, with some planning, I can just up and
travel the globe.
But here I am, looking to day 366 of living in Montgomery in
a new (to me at least) house, with boxes and tote bags and my prized possessions shit everywhere… I'm
sure it'll get unpacked and organized eventually, just like my life.
For now, I'm
going to enjoy having a porch swing and some early Summer weather. Or at least try to.
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