Birthdays

Monday was my birthday. Which, of course, meant all I wanted to do was run around with a tub of glitter and make everyone as happy as I was. But, since it was a Monday nothing terribly exciting was going on. Thankfully, I have one of the best guy friends a girl could ask for and he and I, along with another great friend, celebrated my birthday in style.

The bar in Montgomery that I like going to has something called a “Shot Room,” where, you guessed it, the temperatures are subzero, liquor lines one of the walls and the sole purpose is to take shots. They also offer some of the nastiest fur vests and coats I’ve ever seen.

Barbie pink nails tie the whole thing together really.

So, of course, any excuse to wear fur and drink tequila I capitalize on, it being my birthday, I grabbed me a vest and downed some tequila like a champion. Happy Birthday to Me!

February is a big birthday month around here. Not only is it my birthday, but today is Grace Kelly’s birthday. Five years ago today little GK came into 500 Grace St. Apt. 5 and my life forever changed.

We both look so young!

Back then she was a little skinnier and while I attest she has always had this surly personality, others claim different. She enters into “senior” status next year and the thought they were are both getting up in years, but staying young and a little snarky at heart, makes me laugh. Five years ago I never thought we’d live in Montgomery and have two other dogs we share our lives with. 

The only piece of clothing she will wear, a "Bite Me" Christmas tee.

Can’t wait to see what the next five years with this little nugget brings.

Hopefully, some better breath ;)

Wistful Wednesday

Life seems to be spiraling toward a post-grad life I've successfully avoided for 5 full years now.

It's not that I just don't want to grow up—it's not having a plan. It's not knowing where I'm living in six weeks or what I'm going to be doing in six weeks. I love my parents, I really do. But moving in with them, jobless, after spending (roughly) $120,000 on this education? BARF.

So this Wednesday I'm not wordless; I'm wistful. Wistful for Freshman year where skipping class and day drinking wasn't such a big deal. Wistful for going out with Mallory every night of the week and not having a monster hangover.

I'm (almost)(sorta) ready to start my post-grad grown up life. Until then, Immma be a little wistful.

Cover Letters and Resumes

Job searchin'...every day. Yeah, I wish I had the energy to come up with a better pun. Something witty. But frankly, I'm done. I'm dead inside on the subject. As a writer I know this introduction sucks, but hang in there. It gets much, much better.

Endlessly trying to make oneself sound awesome can be a challenge. Cover letters are a struggle. If you think they aren't you are either A: Lying to yourself and/or others or B: A freak of nature. I've written my fair share of standard, boring cover letters, just as I have spent hours pouring over my resume and writing samples. What for? The hope I get picked from the pile.

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Caitlin posted the fifty hidden talents she has that aren't on her resume, which I loved. We began to make a list of a few of mine, these being my favorites:

4. Straight boss when it comes to drinking tequila shots.

18. Frequently bakes, and loves to share aforementioned baked goods.

23. Crafts like none other. Known among friends and family as the one that sends “off” holiday cards—example from this year, St. Patrick's Day.

37. Will ALWAYS lose something after a night at the bar. Typical favorites include dignity and check cards.

Talents I'm sure my parents are glad I've acquired. As I'm sure they are just as glad their hard earned money went to financing the fine tuning of said skills. Just as I'm sure they would be proud of the cover letter I sent expressing my interest in a job at BroBible, an online magazine of sorts that contains “bro code, hot girls, funny stories and videos” among other things. Read and laugh, because for once writing a cover letter didn't suck. Now they just need to call me....

Subject: Assistant Editor from Sweet Home Alabama

Boys of BroBible,

Add some Southern Flair to your staff and hire me. Why? Because I'm a funny, mildly attractive girl that can hold her own amongst a bunch of Bros. Meaning, I'm a Southern sorority girl; I can drink Bud Light and watch football with the best of them. Don't challenge me in Thumper, King's Cup or Flip Cup, I have a delicate touch. Play me in Beer Pong and I'm a sloppy mess that gets better with time. I have editing experience both in print and online. I'm not located in NYC currently, as I graduate from the University of Alabama in four short weeks, but I'm ready for an adventure. I run an online college women's magazine for the University of Alabama, so I have experience on quick turn arounds on edits and also know how to write quickly and cleanly. (I would send you a link to some of my clips I've done for Her Campus Alabama, but every good girl knows, Bros don't really care about the Oscars.) I was featured in The Huffington Post in October about the Occupy Wall Street movement. The piece can be found here. Attached is my resume, look it over and judge me. If I pass muster you can contact me via email (jmjohnson4@crimson.ua.edu) or on my cell phone (770/861-5078). I look forward to possibly speaking with y'all.

Oh yeah, and I would hope to make an income that would put me above the poverty line....so how's $35,000 sound? Too high? I'm up to your suggestions and a discussion on that number. But let's just get to talking first.

Have a fabulous day and Roll Tide!
Jessica Johnson

Now y'all, say a prayer, as I am still waiting on the Bros to call me back.