Homemade Bread: Another Pinterest Fail

So Pinterest failed me again. Though, unlike last time, this was a complete and total failure at all angles. This bread was completely inedible. Honestly, I have no idea why. It never rose properly at any of the steps, so that might be was probably the problem. But again, I followed the steps exactly. I’m literally at a loss.

When it first came out of the oven the crust was good but some of the inside was mushy. It stated like baked salted sugar. It was really weird.

Then it caved in on itself.

I was really excited to have some fresh homemade bread. I guess I might be adding “bread machine” to my birthday list if I want that dream to come true.

Am I the only one that Pinterest keeps failing? I thought I was doing so well actually making the things I was pinning! Apparently not! 

Pinterest Fail

People never really talk about disasters. I mean when was the last time you saw a blog that was like, “I dyed my hair black at home and I was little inebriated and now it’s KINDA streaky…” (guilty.) No, instead you see, “I dyed my hair at home and it looks so perfect, better than the salon version!” or “my family absolutely loved this quinoa and asparagus tofu health bar thing!” Not, “this bar tasted like cardboard with shit smears.” (guilty again.) Well, this morning I got up at 6am to make “Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes” for the HB 12 Days of Eating Party. Mexican was the Editorial department’s theme as it required minimal effort. I mean how hard is it to buy chips and salsa Bossman? Not very and he came through with three bags.

It’s well known that I am the baker of the bunch. So when I found these on Pinterest, I knew it would be a perfect dessert to our rotel cheese dip, salsa and chili lunch spread. Apparently I was right: only two went uneaten. However, I had one and thought it tasted like absolute dog doo. I LOVE dark chocolate so, I thought adding a little heat might be a fun addition. I was wrong. I think next time I need to up the ante on the cinnamon or cut down on the chili powder. Or I might just say screw it and not make them again.

I'm steps away from my $3,000 work camera and instead use the iPhone. Whoops.

I pretty much followed this recipe exactly, though because of a time crunch I used canned frosting and slapped those puppies down with a butter knife instead of using a piping bag. In way of decorations I dusted them with the remainder of my cinnamon and hit the road. I feel like my Momma would not be proud of me, but I’m on the beginning leg of a cold and frankly I was late.

“Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes” from The Dough Will Rise Again

(She claims they make 18-20. I got about 14 sizable cupcakes.)

Bake at 325 for a little under/about 20 minutes

Ingredients:

1 stick of butter, softened slightly
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp chili powder

Steps:

1. Cream together butter and both sugars. Once well mixed add egg and vanilla.

2. In a separate bowl, mix together cocoa powder, flour, baking soda, salt, cayenne, cinnamon, and chili powder. Alternate adding dry ingredients and buttermilk to wet ingredients until just combined.  I did about half and half each time.

3. Scoop into your lined cupcake pan and bake for 18-20 minutes. Mine were in for about 19 minutes. The toothpick, when inserted in the middle, should come out clean with a few moist crumbs—that gives it a “chocolate bomb” flavored center a coworker described. 

Lost Causes/Hopeless Cases

Thanksgiving night I was feeling overly full of food and drink, football and my family. As I mentioned a few days ago, I was also feeling a little blue. While I didn't wallow in my blueness on Thanksgiving I definitely noticed it. As I went to shut off my bedside lamp and get a few hours of sleep, I met my Momma at 6am to go shopping, I noticed a medal hanging from my lamp.

For those that are unaware, in the Catholic tradition medals of saints are worn to show a special closeness. For example, when I was confirmed I was given a medal of St. Therese of Lisieux, who is my personal patron saint. Medals of saints can also be worn of saints you feel a special connection, or request their special guidance. For example, St. John Neumann is the patron saint of Catholic schools, so a Catholic schoolteacher may wear his medal.

Anyway, dangling from my lamp was St. Jude Thaddeus' medal. I put it on that night have only taken it off to shower.

St. Jude is the patron saint of hopeless cases and lost causes.

It seems fitting.

St. Jude, Pray for me that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in my necessities, tribulations and sufferings and that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever. Intercede for us all, gracious, brother Saint Jude, and pray for us to the Lord our God in our daily toil and our necessities. Amen.

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A Blue Sort of #posituesday

It's one of those days where everything seems to be off. Which I hate because it should be #posituesday.

I've mentioned before about how changing my life so drastically has had ups and downs. Today seems to be one of those downs. In fact, it has been a down week of sorts. I have flashes of happy and content but then flashes of sheer disappointment.

Disappointment in myself for my current state of discontent. Disappointment in how I woke up a few days ago and realized that all the weight and muscle I worked so hard to lose/gain in the beginning of the year is gone. Disappoinment that no matter how hard I try to stay digitally connected to my best friends, a phone call or a gchat will never be the same as grabbing beers at Innisfree to catch up on gossip.

I've read Mommy blogs that discuss not saying never and not taking yourself too seriously. I've learned to never say never, I mean I can't with the job I have! As far as taking myself too seriously? Yeah, that has never been my problem. I've leaned on friends, mentors from school, even my former boss. Yet, I still have this burning feeling that I'm disappointed in myself. Maybe it's the weather: I've never been a "rain" person. Maybe it's the three day blues from having some vacation: being in a cubical is not as fun after a vacation…

I'm disappointed in myself for feeling so blue and being so self-centered that everyone wants to hear about it. It's supposed to be #posituesday, which I'm spinning this week. Every once and a while it's okay to feel blue. It means you're alive and feeling all the other feelings too.

At least that's what I am going to tell myself. I'm giving myself today to feel blue. I'm going to power though my responsibilities and then spend all evening in front of my sad little Charlie Brown tree reading a delicious Nora Roberts romance.

An Open Letter to PR Geeks

Hello PR “Guru”, this “Editor” speaking. Yes, the one you BCC’d your press release to a few moments ago. I’ve got a few quick questions for you…

 1. You sent this release to an email address with a persons name in it. Don’t you think sending “Hello Editor” instead of “Hello Jessica” is a little, what’s the word I’m looking for? Tacky? Rude? Stupid? Annoying? Not-paying-attention?

2. I am an editor of a magazine that publishes articles relating to XYZ. Does your release deal with XYZ? No, not even in the slightest? THEN WHY AM I READING IT?

3. Your release is giving people the opportunity to buy things? Cool! Are you going to give one away to my readers? No? Then why would I be writing about your thingamajig? We don’t exactly run product reviews of stuff we’ve never seen.

4. If I haven’t contacted you within a week, it’s safe to say I’m not interested. No need for any sort of follow up. Save me five seconds of deleting, kthanksbye.

I know these questions seem obvious harsh, but honestly? I get annoyed sorting through all these releases. For every one I want/need/do something about, I get thirty.

Bonus points go to the PR geeks that actually do their homework and our visit social media channels/sites and actually tailor your releases, emails and comments to what we actually do. It doesn’t go unnoticed. You people that don’t? Yeah, that doesn’t go unnoticed either. 

You're doing it wrong.

Word of the Day Wednesday

Today’s word is chach. It has quickly become one of my favorite, go to words. And after numerous  people have asked me what it means, and basked in the glory of what a wonderful (and underused) insult it is, I’ve decided to share.

Definition: Noun—A boy/manchild/dude/bro who attempts to exhibit a cool and popular look but generally comes across as either an asshole and/or a total loser. Plural: chachs, chaches.

Example: David Pollack, in every facet of his existence is a total chach.

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Adjective, adverb— dumb, idiotic act committed by a boy/manchild/dude/bro

Example: "This conversation is just unbelievable, that was a total chach move." 

Yes, because this guy could be a fitness model.

My exboyfriends are awesome examples! If you want more, let me know!

Verb—to unjustifiably escape a commitment, similar to "bitching/bitched out," not my favorite use of the word, but acceptable.

Behavioral Patterns: Tends to bitch out when extreme situations present themselves. Provokes animosity in more enlightened individuals. (Are you getting the picture of who a chach is, yet?)

Special Abilities: Being able to piss off peers in close proximity by doing absolutely nothing. (You’ve got a chach in your mind now, don’t you?)

***Thanks to the folks at Urban Dictionary for the assist on perfectly articulating this phenomenal word. Also, according to them, and me, chach is a very, very mild curse word and could/can be used in public. I know I do. 

Until next time, I’ll be avoiding stalking my favorite chach (also known as my exboyfriend) on his various social media outlets.

Friday Favorites

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 My dear sweet friend Caitlin, who is amazing and just all around a light in my life, does a series on her blog called “Friday Favorites.” (Which is where I got the image, I mean, let’s be serious I am nowhere near that illustrator inclined, but I digress.)

Our company had “Thankful Thursday” yesterday, and it made me realize how lucky I am to do what I do. I complain a lot about it, but at the end of the day, I am lucky to have the job that I do. Is it my favorite thing? No, but it’s work. And it is a work I enjoy, most of the time. Being in the thankful spirit has also made me realize how many things I consider my “favorite.” How many people I am lucky to call “favorites.” But I guess that is another post for another time.

Here’s what I have been favoriting this week:

My obsession with Maury Povitch grows with each day. Due to popular demand I have stopped live tweeting the episodes, but I think I just might bring that back. Life might be rough, but HEY!, at least you aren't 35 taking a DNA test to find out if your husband is really your brother/cousin/sister. God, I love Americans.

This past Saturday I was in Death Valley alongside my favorite Alabama fan, my father, to watch the Tide roll. I've been lucky enough to sit in the stands of some pretty incredible Alabama football games: Iron Bowl 2008, SEC 2009, National Championship 2012. This experience was like none other. Roll damn tide.

Decorating for Holidays is something my Momma passed down to me. I've started decorating my little bar area for each of the Holidays. By and large Thanksgiving is my least favorite of the choices, but I do think it came together quite nicely. I just need some apple pie moonshine to really complete the look...