The Boobie Bungalow

Originally I wanted this to be up Saturday but "life" got in the way…and by life I mean sleeping for like 17 hours straight and then dragging my butt to work.

For my job I travel, a lot, to seemingly random locales. (Why can’t people log in places like New York City or Southern California?) I find myself in the swamp land of south Georgia, the hills of Mississippi, the flat land of Arkansas. Discovering dear ole Dixie has really been a high point for me and my sense of adventure just seems to keep growing. Then I went to a place called Louisville, Ky. for a lawn and garden tradeshow…and woof.

The four days I spent in Louisville were something straight out of a movie. First example, the eight hour car ride there: did you know there is a strip joint south of Nashville called the Boobie Bungalow. No? Me neither. But google it, I promise you won’t be disappointed. Myself, the house’s web guru (a 23 year old Baptist youth minister) and my beloved be-moustached coworker in his mid fourties with a love of all things ironic and creepy found it hilarious. Not only did a twenty-minute conversation, inside of a rented Dodge minivan, ensue about the Boobie Bungalow but for the remainder of the trip the Boobie Bungalow was discussed. As in, “Oh wow, that chick looks like a reject from the Boobie Bungalow.” 

German "booth babe,"  definitely a loaner from TBB.

The tradeshow had sponsored concerts each night. Of course for the open bar concert Kansas played. I had to DD. For the big concert with Eli Young Band we still had press seats but not an open bar. This was the night I chose to drink…to the complete jerk that took my credit card from the Hard Rock Louisville: you really suck. I hope an entire army got completely blitzkrieged on the $250+ you spent in one night at a bar, where wells were like $4.50. Assclown.

Enjoying while he could. 

In my line of work I write about some pretty heavy machinery. Machinery that costs upwards of $250,000 a piece. I’m not usually allowed to touch said machinery. See also: said machinery cuts down trees and I would rather not be responsible for that kind of thing. I can see the news item now, “Little logging reporter causes fatal accident killing herself and three others in El Dorado, Ark.”

 BUT, I also write about machinery that is a little more run of the mill consumer friendly. For example, this MSRP $599 Lithium Ion battery powered Oregon self-sharpening chainsaw. I got to run it while Dan my be-mustached coworker, the VP of Oregon, and the product manager for Oregon chainsaws watched me. I liked it…a lot.

Please notice this awk part of my hair.

Oh and then there was the riding commercial grade lawnmower. This puppy sure is a beaut. MSRP $7,999. (Why did they let me drive that thing I’ll never know.) I got her to top out at about 3 MPH. My friend riding along is the product manager for the Ariens family of companies ZTR riders. (Yes, all this power equipment jargon is…well, it is what it is. But as my dear friend Brian always says, fake it til ya make it. Even I don’t really understand fully what the jargon all means.) This, y’all, is living.

I can honestly say that pure elation on my face is not faked. I had a damn good time.

#posiweek

Today is just one of those days.

I sit in my cubical and think of the ever-growing to-do list. Nothing seems to go right, and everything seems to be falling into place.

As a writer sometimes inspiration comes. Sometimes I stare at the wall. The last little while has been seemingly never ending. I blinked and it was October. Granted, I was out of town on a story-gathering trip for seven days. But still was it not just the 4^th of July? Story-gathering trips are always so fun for me, but they usually knock me down a bit. This past jaunt was no different. I covered over 2,200 miles. Four states. Seven different companies. Loggers, timber processers and foresters, oh my!

I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to meet with guys (and their lady counterparts) at the end of dirt roads that are really making a difference in our world. Don’t get what I mean? Don’t support the logging industry?

TRY WIPING IT WITH A PINECONE THEN.

But I digress. Some big things are happening around little 1213, and I am excited for what’s in store. Things aren’t firm yet, but I will more than likely be going back to school in Fall 2013. I couldn’t have found a more perfect program for me and cannot wait to bury my nose in a textbook again. Could I be anymore of a dork? Probably, but oh well. I love certain elements of school and cannot wait to get back into an English classroom. Master’s of Liberal Arts program, lookout!

This past story-gathering trip lead me to some awesome places, which really means lots of awesome treasures were loaded into the back of a Ford hatchback and made their way from Mississippi/Arkansas/Louisiana/Tennessee to Montgomery. I have so many ideas for the things I found. I keep telling myself I am going to post all my projects up here, and then never seem to find the time. Well, next week will be the time. It’s therapeutic for me to do my little crafts and what better platform to showcase them?

It’s also about time I bought myself a chest of drawers/bedroom dresser. But that’s being held off another month because I desperately need to chunk some money into the new computer fund. Plus the holidays are coming up. But again, I digress.

One of my absolute favorite people in the entire world is Brian Oliu. Writer, comedian, all around stand up man. Oh and did I mention my saving grace this last year? (…and probably years to come) He has started a social media campaign called #posiweek. Each day he has postings designed to uplift the spirit, make you smile, and just all around warm your heart. Which, honestly, who doesn’t need that every now and again?

Seeing these posts made me want to be positive about myselflifethings. Difficult, given that for the first four days of this week I’ve battled a terrible head cold. But each time I saw one of the #posiweek tweets/statuses I saw myself smile. I sure hope that the #posiweek stays with me into tonight, as we all watch or in my case don’t watch the VP debate, and into the weekend, where I welcome to Montgomery one of my best friends from college. It’s a good week y’all, it’s #posiweek.

"The Hard Hat Diaries" Chapter Two

I am now the proud owner of TWO, yes, TWO paper fold out maps.

Yes, that is exactly what you think it is.

I know what you are all thinking, paper maps? Wellllll, see, I, as do many of you, have a GPS. Tomtom has helped me fearlessly navigate Montgomery as I find the important things like restaurants, The Fresh Market, Big Lots, Dillards, the art house movie theater, my vet’s office. Tomtom has helped me do wonderful things. But Tomtom has also failed me.

He has epically failed me. Enter the paper map. With my job I visit with some of the most hard working, honest, wonderful people in the country. Due to the nature of the timber harvesting business however, they usually live out in the country. Remote areas where AT&T doesn’t feel that 4G, 3G, EDGE, hell any kind of service is needed. Remote areas where Tomtom gets confused and lost; areas where he frequently lies, saying “Arrived at destination.” Said destination is not where I am wanting to go Tomtom. Being lost in the swamplands of South Georgia with no cell service is not how I like to live my life.

Yet, Tuesday and Wednesday of last week I felt myself slowing losing my mind. Hence, the maps. The outdated, for 90% of the United States at least, but perfect for me, paper maps. I felt very road trippy and adventurous while also having the feeling that I was lost and just asking for some scary sociopath to kill me. (I watch waaaayyyy too much Dexter and Criminal Minds.) So here I am in a rental car armed with paper maps winding down US highway 441 North looking for the job.

At the 441 North split in Homerville, Ga. the Delk family are hard working pond loggers.

There is something exhilarating about not having technology telling you when exactly you will arrive somewhere, simply going and arriving when you get there. I found everything I needed to find this trip using my two eyes and two paper maps. I vow to do this from now on with my logging visits. Unplugging can be a good thing right?

Sorry, bro.

I love it for so many reasons. My twins are about the sweetest things in the world. They are more afraid of you than you are of them, Sip especially. Today, just for me, push yourself to think outside of a stereotype perpetuated by Michael Vick and people, I use the term people loosely, like him, that don't see the personality inside each animal. You won't be sorry you did. If you still can't understand what I mean then, frankly, you're doing it wrong.

"The Hard Hat Diaries" Chapter One

The cat's out of the bag. I work for a trade magazine publishing house to pay my bills. (I look fabulous doing it, mind you. But that VISA ain't paying for itself. Just like I need a solid supply of Sauvignon Blanc and the pups need to eat...) But I am pushing my limits in ways I never thought possible. I mentioned in my post about #montgomerymove2012 that I would be going on a business trip to the backwoods of Mississippi...well welcome to the first installment of "The Hard Hat Diaries."

Woods Barbie in all her glory!

 A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to accompany Jennifer, a freelance-work-from-home fellow HB editor on a trip to Mississippi. In three days we visited four loggers. I have a thing for shoes. Specifically, high heeled shoes, the more beautiful the better. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been what my family calls a Barbie doll. I’m the epitome of a girly girl. Spiders scare me. So, putting on some work boots, jeans, a neon orange vest I was told to wear in order to not die, and a hard hat was a little…hard to believe. Never one to shy away from an adventure, I went in with an open mind. I’m proud to report I did not die. There were no close calls, at logging operations anyway! Jennifer and I did have a moment or two where we couldn’t exactly pinpoint where we were… I actually got some pretty good pictures as well as some successful interviews.

The loggers were all extremely sweet and very understanding. Each went out of their way to explain the equipment to me and push aside my fears. What I didn’t expect to happen was one trying to set me up on a date with both his son and/or his grandson. The sweet older logger pegged me for a little younger than I am, detailing all of his grandson’s high school football accomplishments from the last year. When I kindly informed him, I was out of high school, in fact out of college; he quickly changed gears and starting talking up his son! Fresh from a divorce, the son, who I am sure, would die if he knew about his father’s antics, was healing and needed a good, fine woman. A good, fine woman, according to the father, like me. Poor guy.

I’m sure my first solo trip will be another adventure filled with all sorts of silliness, drive thrus and Comfort Inns, and I can’t wait! These trips were one of the reasons I both loved my job during the interview process and was horrified by it. I mean, a machine with a blade that cuts down one ton trees? AHHHHHHH! 

A Tracked Feller Buncher aka a machine with a blade that cuts down one ton trees

 

Yes, I am sensational. At times. Maybe?

Last night’s episode of Bachelorette taught me so many things.

Like how, given a set o’ steamy kisses in exotic locations, and a fun day on the racetrack, Arie’s super skinny tie in Charlotte night 1 can be forgiven.

 Or how I really don’t use the word sensational enough. Though, that was more the men in my life don’t call me sensational enough. Such a great word, sensational, especially when using it to describe the object of your affection. I am pretty sure I would melt on the spot if someone crushingly handsome looked at me unsolicited said, “Jess, you are sensational.” ***Bonus points would be available if he said it when I felt I looked a mess, or was rocking a giant Daddy sized tshirt and running shorts. 

I’m big fan of the show, and if you follow me on twitter you might notice that I am a complete child of the 21sy century when it comes to my Monday nights. I am simultaneously texting with some of my best friends and my Momma, and keeping up with some of my favorite snarky Twitter accounts (@POSSESSIONISTA, @jenniferweiner to name a couple), all while watching the drama unfold.

Momma and I just doing what we do best.

Monday’s are my least favorite day of the week work wise, do you know how hard it is to pretend to be productive on a Monday? Especially when you work with three men that are always trying to freeze you to death!! But I digress. There is something about Monday nights that put a spring in my step, even on the roughest of days. The clock hits 4:45 and I bust out of my cube on a mission. I make myself a fabulous dinner, indulge in a few adult bevies and settle in.

I always wondered what my post-grad life would be like. How would I mesh my college self, which may or may not have had a little too much ridiculousness on the reg, with a more serious, working girl mentality. Oddly enough, Bachelorette last night showed me exactly that.

Monday through Friday from 8:30(ish on most days) to 4:45(on the dot), I am Jessica Johnson associate editor with Hatton Brown Publishers, a little bit of woods and a whole lot of Barbie. I’m me, to a steal a one liner from that dreadful new Willow Smith song. I gchat with the important people in my life, check for daily posts from Suri’s Burn Book, Guy in Austin and some of my favorite Mommy-bloggers. But I also scan Market Watch for news on the EPA and tier 4 (google it), edit scientific garbage into readable information, tell the stories of sweet older men trying to develop businesses their sons and grandsons can be proud of. I mesh my ridiculousness with my seriousness.

I haven’t lost myself along the way. I may have a career now, but I’m still a little lost, drinking a little too much gin, staying up a little too late, and making excuses for why I never fit a long run in.

If I ever need clarification on how I would make it all work, I’ll remember the summer Emily was the bachelorette and how, just like Arie made that hoodie work for him, I made my life work for me.

#montgomerymove2012 and Strawberry Shortcake Muffins

Well, for the last three weeks, life, it has been a changin'.

  I moved.

 In a big way.

 To Montgomery, Ala. 

Where I knew the five people in my office and one other. Now, I've made all sorts of friends and settled in quite nicely. There have been the growing pains that one can always expect when, well, DRASTICALLY changing your life. Work has been fine, and I will be going on my first business trip this week: Mississippi! I'll be conducting some interviews alongside one of our other writers, in addition to conducting a few on my own! I've been doing all kinds of projects around the house and cannot wait to show them off! One thing I have started doing was making more and more Pinterest things. Today was no different.

 I tried this: Strawberry Shortcake Muffins! They were amazingly well, except as the original blog denotes unless using silicon or foil, the muffins stick. I'll get the official word tomorrow when my taste testers are given part of the batch, but until then.... (bear with me I've never done a step by step post before. But, I go a new toy at work, a Canon Rebel T3i so I'm OBSSESSED with playing with it!) I have copied Katie over at the Dashing Dish's instructions with my own modifications.

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cup Oats (old fashioned kind, not quick cooking)

1 cup Plain low fat greek yogurt

2 Eggs

3/4 cup Sugar

1 1/2 tsp Baking powder

1/2 tsp Baking soda

1 1/2 cup Strawberries, diced, and patted dry  (optional 1/2 cup strawberries, diced to place on top of muffins)

Half of a fresh lemon, squeezed for juice

Method:

Place all of the ingredients (except the strawberries) in a blender or food processor, and blend until oats are smooth.  

Pour mixture into a medium sized bowl, and stir in strawberries. 

Divide batter among cupcake liners, and bake for 15-20 minutes at 400 degrees.  

They look so perfect! Hope my taste testers think they are as good as I do! :)